Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Look Honey, it's a sign... literally and figuratively.

As a home haunter with little to no budget, I have to be as creative and cheap as possible when building props. I have developed the habit of looking at any scraps, junk, and cast-offs that I encounter with an eye to their potential for prop-making. If I think that something could be of use in the future, I hold onto it. This practice is much maligned by my wife. Whenever I come home from work with anything loaded in the back of my truck, she rolls her eyes at me and I can tell that she is silently counting to ten in an effort to keep from launching into another ten-minute tirade about how there can't possibly be enough room in the garage for anymore junk.  Thus far I have manged to retain control of the garage; so long as there is room to park our vehicles inside, the rest of the space is mine.  The block on which our house was built used to belong to the city.  They used the space to park municipal vehicles and equipment and to store a lot of junk.  The empty lot next to our house consistently yeilds up random objects that leave us scratching our heads.  We have spent the last two years tilling up a patch of this empty lot trying to get a garden to grow.  After pulling out about a million rocks, countless chunks of concrete and blacktop, and two manhole covers we have some pretty decent dirt to work with.  This spring I made my most satisfying random discovery yet.  A metal sign with a message that seemed to be meant just for me.
The universe is trying to tell me something.  I think I will hang it in the garage. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Anti-Climactic Moment of the Week

I manage a warehouse for a fence-manufacturing company and that warehouse is located in an industrial park with other light-industrial businesses.  When I have a few moments to spare during the day, I like to stroll over to the other side of the industrial park to the soda machine.  Of course I peek in all of the dumpsters along the way.  One particular day during my stroll, I noticed someone placing an item into a dumpster.  Not really uncommon; except that he then proceeded to cover the item with trash already in the dumpster in an attempt to conceal it.  In the middle of an uneventful day, this bit of intrigue set my mind into overdrive.
On closer inspection, I saw that the item was an old trunk.  Oh boy!  There could have been anything in this trunk.  The fact that the guy who dumped it went to the trouble to try and conceal it made it even more interesting.  Drugs, incriminating photos, counterfit money, severed body parts; the possibilities were endless.  I uncovered the trunk and undid the latches; but found that the lock was engaged.  I walked back to the warehouse and retrieved some screwdrivers with which to pop the lock.  The anticipation was mounting.

I popped the lock and pushed back the lid to reveal...

A bunch of useless, boring junk.  What a letdown!  Instead of  severed body parts I get...

Precious Moments fugurines!

Blech!  I did, however take the trunk (after emptying out all of the offensive cutesy trinkets).  Maybe I will make a "monster in a box" out of it.

Uhh... I'll have a Mark Of The Beast Meal with a Coke please.

Every now and again I am prone to gluttony.  When I am in this state, I do what all real Americans do.  I head over to McDonalds.  Of course, there is one conveniently located for my lunch break.

Because gluttony is one of my favorite of the seven deadly sins, I have found the perfect combination of food items that will not only make me feel like a bloated pig; but also comes with a perverse little bonus.  If I order two cheeseburgers in a large-sized combo meal plus two cherry pies the total comes to...

That's right, $6.66.  Wash that down with a Coke and it makes for a devilishly good lunch.